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Showing posts from 2019

Poem: suicidal

Silent night has come It comes back again To haunt me
I couldn't speak I couldn't scream I couldn't cry
All these nightmares are scaring me All these monsters are trying to kill me I really need help
I'm suffocating I don't feel like to be alive I don't deserve this
"Everything's gonna be fine" "Don't say like that" "Think about God"
Those words are starting to scare me lately I rather keep these pain inside me I rather suffer alone
Every thing that I see I could imagine some ways to do it The fan, the ceiling, the fork Every. Single. Item.
Here I am Staring blankly at the wall I wish I could just hit my head until it bleeds
I've been fighting with these monsters for years I'm getting weak I lied to everyone that "I'm fine"
I literally told everyone that I'm on diet But when I think about it I'm actually starving myself to death
Death, suicide, pain, isolation Those words have become norms to m…

Poem: dear heart

Dear heart,
Aren't you tired of falling in love?
It's been over and over again
None of them care about you
Please, snap out of it!
Things have changed over the years
You need to move on, dear
Everything is just a temporary
I'm sorry for putting you through this
I know it's hard to find
Someone that truly loves you
Someone that will care about you
It doesn't matter if he's not good-looking
I'm sure that someone will protect you

Dear heart,
Do you still have the scars from years ago?
I know you try to act nothing
But you still keep those feelings of memories
That haunts me every single day.
You always make me feel overwhelmed,
Anxious and desperate
Over something that I didn't think that it's possible for me to do it
I know you're tired of the pain
I'm also tired
Tired of the memories
I try to forget about it but you don't
And it frustrates me a lot
Yet I don't want to argue with you

Dear heart
I want to let you know
That this too shal…

Poem: darkness in me

I was at the bottom rock I couldn't keep my head up I was devastated
I couldn't explain the pain in words I tried to let my voice out but it stuck within my throat my heart wouldn't let me tell the truth
I felt lonely It was so lonely that I couldn't bear my emotions
There're people who reached out their hands But I pushed them away
I keep on asking myself Why am I here? Why am I still breathing? Why didn't my parents just abort me?
I messed up Even achievements that I got wouldn't help me feel better Cause it's not for me
I did everything to be happy To have that feeling of excitement
When I'm home It all comes back again
I felt so lonely That I shut everyone out
People worried about me I don't want them to be But this demon inside me Is killing me inside
I told myself not to cry I told myself everything will be alright I told myself it's just the matter of time I told myself I can overcome when it pass by
In the end I'm laying in bed S…

Poem: fraud

I love you
I truly do
It hurts me a lot I couldn't bear the pain to myself I want to talk with you
You were a good listener I appreciated it a lot But now... It seems life doesn't let us to be together
I bottled up everything I ignore everything and put on a mask A mask that everyone will think it's 'me'
That 'me' always smiling That 'me' always laughing That 'me' always being cringy
No one knows behind that mask
What if that mask was fallen? Will you still befriend with 'me'?
I know you won't
Cause you already hurt me indirectly
And I know you won't trust me again

If suicide attempt isn't a crime, I would have done sooner
People like you made me feel this way

If it's true you don't like me, why didn't you tell me in the first place?
I apologize for being an emotional dumbass
All I got was bluetick
I guess seek for forgiveness is not mandatory in this world

You said that I 'pretended' for having anxiet…

Poem: my fault

I'm such a jerk
I hate myself
Why the fuck did I do that?

I hurt you
I was selfish
I hurt you a lot
As if I almost killed you

I want a chance
If it's possible

I couldn't stop my tears from streaming on my face
I couldn't stop blaming myself
I couldn't stop thinking about you even it hurts so much

I wish I wasn't here
I wish everything will be normal
I hate myself for being a jerk

Please reply to me
I just want someone to listen to
But it hurts so much

I would die for you
I would sacrifice for you
I want you to be with me
I want to feel safe

You promised me
You swore to me
I guess expectations aren't real

I guess you won't love me again
And I don't think I'll have another chance
To restore everything what I've done

Poem: i'm perfectly fine

I'm perfectly fine
Look, do I look like I need help?
Nothing happens, really.

Look, I'm smiling and laughing with you guys
I can still talk to everyone
I'm enjoying my life to the fullest

Look, I'm perfectly fine
And for odd reasons
It suddenly hits me

The pain, the scars, the blood flowing out from my flesh
I'm alright, really

Why would say that I'm lying?
Oh.. my eyes just caught the dust
I'm not crying, really

I don't understand
Why are you being so caring towards me?
I told you already

Don't worry about me
I'm perfectly fine

Poem: voices

Disclaimer: This poem is partly true, so don't worry about me. Also, sorry for the bad language :)
I never ask you about it
Why the fuck she's acting like she owns the world? We aren't your friends Don't come to us, loser
I guess I shouldn't be here
I'm scared to apologize
What if I do the same mistakes again
And then everything is just another cycle again

You're fat
You're ugly
You can't even do shits properly

I'm trying to act as if nothing happened
Don't ask me why

She's weak
She can't even win the competition
She shouldn't be the leader
What an attention seeker
She's just a trash

Girlllll you look so "pretty"
Can we have a "date"?
Don't worry I won't do anything to you

Everything is a lie
I hate how fucked up my life is

I can't do this anymore

Poem: laying in bed

If only I can turn back time
So that I won't be suffering as I am now
Missing you is our natural instinct
But is loving you a mistake?

I was laying in my bed to go to sleep
But I was staring at the ceiling
Thinking about if I made the right choice
But in reality I had no choice

I'm constantly feeling tired
I'm constantly telling myself that everything will be fine
But I'm afraid they will judge me in any kind

Lemme sleep peacefully
Without waking up in mid of the night

People always say listen to your doctor
Taking medicine moderately
And have a good night sleep

But I don't feel like I'm recovering
Except I'm getting more weak
Weeks by weeks that I don't feel like myself lately

Every capsules and liquids I tried
Yet I couldn't stop coughing
As if life wants to see me suffering

I've been laying in bed almost everyday
Nothing amazing had happened
Or is it just me being super lame and boring?

I always put on a smile
I act like I'm the happiest …

Poem: overwhelming

I had enough
I had enough
I had enough of everything

My hands are trembling
My mind is upsetting
My heart is bleeding

No one is with me
No one comforts me
Cause I didn't tell them what I've been through lately

Is life a maze?
Once you're in, you couldn't find a way out
Being separated from your friends and realized you're all alone

How should I express myself of all the things I've been through?
Like how I only keep books on dusty shelf without reading a single page too?

I'm suffocated, afraid, helpless
When did I lose my happiness?

I was, and still am a depressing child.
All of my dreams and desires are faded into thin air
Cause nobody cares

I was overwhelmed with everything
I couldn't even think properly
I couldn't keep myself up entirely
Man how I wish I could die easily

I feel like shit
I couldn't have a proper sleep

I had enough with these voices in my head
My heart already broke into pieces
My mind has messed up

I'm not strong
I couldn…

Poem: Shatters of Heart

I couldn't tell the truth
I couldn't do it

I'm injured
I'm suffocating
I feel like dying

I bottled up everything
I couldn't spill the tea
I was afraid
If someone would abandon me

I had to do it
Even it'll break us apart
How can I even take care of you
If I couldn't take care of myself

My heart is shattering day by day
My eyes are tearing
My body is getting weak

I'm tired to run away
I'm tired to keep the pain
I'm tired to pretend I'm okay
I'm getting insane

This glass of heart couldn't recover on its own
This glass of heart is fragile
It needs time to recover
It needs support to recover

Will there be someone whose willing to be with me?
Will there be someone who'll support me?
Will there be someone who'll take me to somewhere safe?

If there is, I want to say thank you
Thank you for being my friend
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for everything

Poem: Deserve

"What a weirdo"
"No one wants to be your friend" "Ugly shit"
What did I do to deserve like this? What did I do for getting hatreds?
I don't deserve to be born

Poem: Error

Things could have happen
If I wasn't paying attention
With a blink of an eye
Everything will be into pieces.

The moment I saw you
My heart skips a beat
For a minute, I knew
You have come to my life

We get to know each other
Every day
Every night
Exchange memes and loves

But everything changed.

You're not the same person
You tricked me with your kindness
You broke my trust

And during that moment, I knew
Someone controlled you
To abandon your true friend
That has been a problem to everyone